Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
