it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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