If that was your dad, he is hot
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
