What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize