i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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