He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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