Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
