how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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