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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Did he leave or is he still there?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it

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• (347): View more from New York

  A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country

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• (936): View more from Texas

  You can't call dibs 8 years later.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  that actually explains a lot

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.

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