My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
