So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
