Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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