my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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