i jhust puked up my retainher.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
