You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
