Only a mothe r could love this liver
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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