he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize