I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize