So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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