can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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