sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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