i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize