so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
