So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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