So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
