Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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