So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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