What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
