The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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