Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
