I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Randomize
