i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
