your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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