Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
