chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
