Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
