good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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