I'm lost and stupid without you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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