Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
