I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
