She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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