Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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