so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
