She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
