Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
