It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
