Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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