So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
