i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
