lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
