You're so nebulous sometimes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
