the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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