Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize