Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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