i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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