i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I faked an abortion last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
