i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
