i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
