So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
