i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
