It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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