about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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