Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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