Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize